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23 December 12

Holiday Survival 101, part 11

 (reblogged from December 2010, hence the newborn baby references)

Call it like it is.

I am sitting in my living room, next to the baby swing, hoping the constant movement along with soft Christmas music playing in the background will put my 3 month-old to sleep so I can get a moment of “Nicole time.” It’s not working, by the way. But the song playing right now is telling me that “it’s the most wonderful time of the year”; more than that, I’m also being informed that it’s “the hap-happiest season of all.” 

Who knew?! I guess this guy hasn’t heard any of your stories.   

Now, I don’t want to come across as a Debbie Downer, because I personally love Christmas! I could write a great deal about the goodness of the season (and I will, so stay tuned), but I also strive to be real and relevant, especially for the sake of those who are hurting. This is why I felt it necessary to devote time and attention, during these two weeks leading into Christmas, to the fact that it truly is not the most wonderful time of the year for many people. For some of you, it may even be the most lonely, anxiety-stricken and painful memory-ridden season of all.

And that’s okay.

It’s NOT okay that you went through some incredibly painful stuff that wasn’t your fault and that you never deserved; but it IS okay to acknowledge that the holidays aren’t easy for you because of that.

image

Don’t give in to the mask-wearing, people-pleasing, painted-on-smile that we see all too often. If you are having a hard time, say so! If you are struggling to get through this holiday season—for whatever reason it may be—don’t shove it down any longer. The stress, anxiety, fear, sadness, anger, bitterness, etc is gonna come out eventually anyway. Let it come out on your own accord. Be willing to admit you need a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, a helping hand, or maybe even a little getaway. 

Being real with those you trust is important to getting through this busy season. It will help ensure that your wrapping doesn’t come undone before Santa’s bag of goodies ever get here.

20 December 12

Holiday Survival 101, part 9

Reach out and welcome in.

During the holiday season we see suicide rates rise, alcoholics fall off the wagon and marriages crumble. Everyone is trying to survive the holiday…but many are not doing it well.If we want to not only survive the holiday season, but to thrive in it, we need to consider ways we can make the holiday better for someone else. 

If you have decided to set a boundary so thick with the fam this year that you aren’t planning to attend their holiday gathering, then don’t sit at home alone

image

You never know what could happen if you do that—you might find yourself in the middle of a hundred homemade booby traps—made up of your own unhealthy coping mechs!

Not good. 

Instead, I challenge you to step outside of yourself this year. If you know what it feels like to be alone, afraid, to be the foreigner, to feel unwelcome, strange, unfortunate, unloved, unsettled or unworthy, then reach out to someone else who may be feeling something similar. Give them a holiday they’ll never forget.

Make a difference this Christmas in your own home. Host a party for foreign exchange students. Send a Christmas dinner invitation to a friend who has lost a spouse or child through death or divorce. Invite an elderly neighbor over for lunch. Offer to have a meal with the homeless. 

Adding a seat or two or five at your holiday table will not cost you much, but will make the world of difference for someone who is hurting and feeling lonely. And trust me, you will be the one receiving far more than anyone. It is a joy to give.

“…we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ” (Acts 20:35)

Reaching out and welcoming in also serves as a great example and opportunity for your kids to experience the true meaning and joy of Christmas: giving, not receiving. So take your family and serve at the local food pantry or shelter, write encouraging letters to those serving in our military or deliver some gifts to the sick kids in your local Children’s Hospital. 

And if someone extends a welcome to you this year, don’t be shy—graciously accept it! 

Let’s open our hearts and homes this holiday; let’s show others the truth that they matter and are loved; and let’s give the hope that things can get better. In turn, we ourselves might just come to understand and believe it too.

May God bless you as you reach out, welcome in and give to others in need!

17 December 12

Holiday Survival 101, part 6

Love. Commit. Endure. Give.

This holiday season is not about what you do, where you go, what you eat. It’s not about what you bought. It’s not even about who you were with. It’s about how you loved, how much you loved and how you gave away that love.

I realize that loving others might feel like the last thing you want to do right now: you may be feeling depressed, rejected, ignored…  I get that. But today I hope you will consider the challenge to step outside of yourself and what you may be feeling because the outcome could make a bigger difference than you realize.

Today is a challenge toward love because Christmas is about celebrating the birth of the One who came as Love. The One who came to earth and sacrificed Himself, loving others as no one ever has or ever will. 

Isaiah 61 says the reason He came was to preach the Good News, to heal the brokenhearted, to open prison doors, to give us beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning and a garment of praise instead of a heavy and hardening heart. 

It is my utmost belief that Jesus wants to do that for you this holiday season. And as you let His love do a work in your heart, would you in turn open your heart to others?

image

How to begin?

Remember that love is a choice and we can choose to commit to love. Do this by defending, caring for, standing up for, believing in and supporting someone that God has called you to. Commitment is something that is becoming more and more foreign in our culture. But it’s something we are called to and we must heed that calling.

“She gave extravagantly what she couldn’t afford…she gave her all”

(Mark 12)

This widow mentioned in Scripture gave a small amount compared to others around her, but she gave everything she had and Jesus noticed. She reminds me of those who have given beyond our culture’s call of duty: the one that tells us it’s fine to be selfish, to hoard, to withhold, and to give up on people, causes and commitments when times are hard. We need more courageous men and women like the woman in Mark 12 who would step beyond culture’s dangerously low expectation and instead commit to give and to love in big ways, even when it might hurt. Or even when we ourselves are already hurting

The challenge more specifically for you and for me is to endure and to give.

First of all, endure the holiday stress, anxiety, grieving, loneliness and depression. I know it feels real awful for some of you right about now, but persevere because it will come to an end (even if it feels never-ending right now) and also because you are worth getting to the other side.

Secondly, endure hardship, pain, accusation, or whatever we may come up against in the call to commitment and love. I have no doubt that some of you reading this right now are contemplating calling it quits on something. I encourage you to push through worry, fear, doubt, gossip, discomfort, pain, etc, and persevere in the commitments that you are called to. Stick it out one more day. And then another.

No doubt it is those who chose to never give up on me that have made all the difference in my life. Now I want to give that gift to someone else. And I hope you will too.

So give love and commitment as gifts this Christmas.

Give even when you know you won’t get it back.

Give extravagantly.

Give beyond what you think you can afford to give.

Give your all.

One day you will see the difference it made: not just in your life but in someone else’s too.

Love you,

Nicole Bromley

14 August 12

Protective Parenting Ideas in a World Full of Creepers

Words of advice and experience from a friend/volunteer of OneVOICE and a mother of three on parenting with awareness and confidence without scaring your kids.

Here is Part 1 of 2 from Sara:

A few months ago, I took my kids and their 3 friends to an elementary school park to play during my son’s t-ball practice. With 5 girls in tow, the estrogen was high enough to make my 6 yr. old son run to his dugout. To kill time, my girls decided to teach me how to play foursquare. Now if anyone knows me well, they know I’m competitive. I had never heard of this game in all my years (don’t ask how many) and of course these girls decided to take advantage of my lack of experience. As we played, the rules became comfortable, my game face went on and I shut out all distractions from the world to kick some butt. Now, I realize it’s foursquare, and that’s pretty lame, but let’s be honest…I said I’m competitive and I don’t like to lose, even in foursquare.

Please don’t judge.

I was queen of foursquare for probably an hour and a half when I decided it was time to check on my son’s practice. As I started walking the 10 yards or so to his dugout, I turned to look back at my girls, still playing foursquare, but I froze in my tracks. Just a few feet from them, I noticed a man walking slowly next to them, taking pictures of them with his cell phone.

Mama Bear claws came out and I hustled myself back over to the girls, ready to pounce. As I was walking toward the girls, the man backed away and put the phone up to his ear as if he had a phone call. I wasn’t sure if I had jumped to conclusions or if this man was simply dialing his phone.

As I started to approach him, someone stopped me and advised me to be careful because this man has had a history of sitting on the swings, watching the little girls play and there was suspicion that he was up to no good. I was told that whenever this man had been approached by a concerned parent, he has taken off running.

At that point, I wasn’t concerned about being a small boned female…my blood was pumping and I had words to say to this man. I turned to approach him and he had vanished. I searched around the corner and even in the bushes, knowing that there was no way someone could just disappear from the site in 30 seconds. According to witnesses, my suspicions were right and one man was ready to jump in and get rid of the creeper his own way.

Thank God for men who care enough about kids to act, even for someone they don’t know.

What shocked me the most was the creeper’s close proximity – he seemed to not consider the risk of a mom being in such close proximity. How long had he been near us and why hadn’t I noticed? This prompted me to be more aware of my surroundings and to teach my children the same.

I know that kids can listen to cautionary words from a parent and it can go in one ear and out the other. So, I made a game of it (of course I did because I’m competitive, remember?).

The next day, we ran into the grocery story for milk. As soon as we left, I asked them about our cashier: Was it a boy or girl? What color were they wearing? How tall? How old? Who was in front of us? Who dropped the box of cereal when we walked down the aisle? They could only answer one question. So, we now frequently play the game of memory when we get in the car to and from places.

My kids are learning to pay attention to detail, to be more aware of situations around them—in a fun way. I didn’t have to put the fear of God into them, but they remain confident as they watch and look around. We also have competitions (are you shocked?) to count the people we see on our way to the car, so I know they are looking all around them as they walk through parking lots. Teaching confidence and alertness to kids is a great alternative to teaching them fear and paranoia.

Let’s face it, there are scary stories out there sending fear through our veins, causing us to consider all the “what-ifs” as parents. Take your knowledge and turn it into instilling confidence into your children. Focus more on what you and your child can do than on what a bad guy can do. Building your child’s inner confidence is not only beneficial for dangerous situations but also for a healthy self-esteem!

1 March 12

SPRING BREAK Common Sense and Safety 2012

Brought to you from my friends at RAINN:

Did you know that college aged students are at the highest risk for being sexually assaulted? With spring break just around the corner, RAINN, the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization, released helpful safety tips for spring break.

Whether you are headed to the beach or overseas or devoting your spring break to community service, it’s important to keep your safety top of mind. In addition to common sense travel safety tips like wearing sunscreen and keeping your passport safe, there are some things you can do to reduce the risk and prevent you or a friend from being the victim of sexual assault.

1. Trust your instincts. If you feel unsafe in any situation, go with your gut. If you feel uncomfortable or something doesn’t feel right, leave and get to a safe place immediately. If someone is pressuring you, it’s better to lie and make up a reason to leave than to stay and be uncomfortable, scared, or worse.

2. Protect your location on Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare etc. Think twice before sharing every detail of your spring break on Facebook and Twitter. Despite security settings, posting information about your whereabouts or activities can still reveal details that are accessible to the public. Use your best judgment when “checking-in” on Facebook or Foursquare and be cautious of revealing personal information through status updates or tweets with Twitter trends like #SpringBreak and #SB2012.

3. Get Local. Know your accommodation address and the safest routes to and from your local destinations. Have the number for local cab companies on hand and always keep enough cash on you to take a taxi home. Know who to contact in the event of an emergency, such as 911 or local authorities. If traveling internationally, have the contact information for the U.S. Embassy with you.

4. Be a good friend and stick together. Arrive together, check in with one another throughout the night, and leave together. Think twice about going off alone; if you have to separate from your friends, let them know where you are going and who you are with. If something seems questionable or someone is acting aggressively, don’t be afraid to intervene. By speaking up, you may help prevent your friend from being the victim (or perpetrator) of a crime.

5. Don’t let your guard down. A spring break destination can create a false sense of security among vacationers. Don’t assume that fellow spring breakers will look out for your best interests; remember they are essentially strangers.

6. Use your cell phone as a tool. If you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, shoot a quick text for a “friend-assist.” Make a back-up plan before you go out just in case your phone dies. If you are traveling internationally, buy a pay-as-you-go phone or contact your cell phone provider to activate international coverage during your trip.

7. Drink responsibly and know your limits. Always watch your drink being prepared, and, when possible, buy drinks in bottles. If you lose sight of your drink or believe it might have been tampered with, throw it out and get a new one. If you or a friend seem too intoxicated for the amount of alcohol consumed or you suspect that someone has been drugged, get to a hospital.

In the event of a sexual assault during spring break, seek immediate medical attention. In the U.S., call 911 for emergency help or the National Sexual Assault Hotline (800.656.HOPE) for advice and support. If you are traveling internationally contact the State Department or the American Embassy in country, to be connected with special services for American victims of crime abroad. You can also register your international trip with the U.S. State Department, to be notified of safety status changes.

Regardless of when the sexual assault occurred, it’s never too late to get help. If you or someone you know has been affected by sexual violence, talk to someone who understands what you’re going through. Help is just a call or click away via RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotlines: 1-800.656.HOPE and online.rainn.org

11 December 11

When HOLIDAY Feels Like HOLE-OF-A-DAY

Whether it’s the added poundage put on from consuming one too many egg nog shakes from the Mickey-D’s drive-thru, or whether it’s more serious like grief, loneliness, triggers or anxiety coming from circumstances such as loss, addiction or abuse… the holidays, for some of us, can… well… SUCK.

Just tryin to keep it real here…

I have found that, for many abuse survivors specifically, Halloween through New Year’s often feels like an internal war zone. And that breaks my heart. It shouldn’t be that way. I say it’s time to reclaim this chunk of the year and it’s my hope that you will join me. :) 

Tune in to this blog every day through Christmas for a “Tip-A-Day” to get through the holidays. And as you do, I pray God gives you a peace that passes understanding during this sometimes difficult season.

Nicole

* * * * * * * * * *

Holiday Survival 101: DAY 1

You are not alone.

In the movie, A Charlie Brown Christmas, we find Charlie sharing honestly with his dear pal, Linus: “I think there must be something wrong with me, Linus. Christmas is coming, but I’m not happy. I don’t feel the way I’m supposed to feel.” 

I think Charlie helps us to recognize the high expectation that the season, family, friends, etc, place on us. He also serves as a good example of how to be honest about our feelings with those we trust. 

Have you ever noticed when you are willing and courageous enough to share your innermost thoughts and feelings with others, you often come to realize you are not alone? 

Make time to confide in someone you trust about the emotions the holidays bring up for you. And take time to listen to someone else’s story, too. There is healing in sharing…and in caring. Be intentional about surrounding yourself with your “circle of inspiration” and the holidays won’t feel as drab as Charlie’s tree this year.

* * * * * * * * * *

(reblogged from 12/2010)

29 August 11

Back-to-School Safety Tips Against Sexual Assault

College aged women are at the highest risk for being sexually assaulted; the majority of rapes are committed by someone the victim knows. Being aware of this risk and looking out for your friends are among of the first steps in staying safe.

My friends at RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network), the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization, released some helpful safety tips for college students going back to school. Here they are:

-Trust your instincts and be yourself. If you feel unsafe, or even uncomfortable, in any situation, go with your gut. Don’t worry about what others think; your own safety comes first.

-Use your cell phone as a tool. Make sure it’s fully charged before you leave home and if you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, shoot a quick text for a “friend-assist.” Make a plan before you go out just in case your phone dies, so you can meet up with your friends at a specific location at a certain time.

-Be careful when leaving status or away messages online and when using the “check-in” feature on Facebook or Foursquare. Leaving information about your whereabouts reveals details that are accessible to everyone. Use common sense so that someone can’t track your every move. If you wouldn’t give the information to a stranger, then don’t put it on your online profile.

-Wait to let your guard down until people earn your trust. A college campus can foster a false sense of security. Don’t assume people you’ve just met will look out for your best interests; remember that they are essentially strangers.

-Don’t be afraid to hurt someone’s feelings. If you find yourself in an unsafe situation it’s OK to lie. Make up an excuse as to why you have to go. It’s better to make up a reason to leave than to stay in a possibly dangerous situation. Your safety comes before someone else’s feelings.

-If you see something, say something! Intervene if a situation seems questionable or if someone’s safety is at risk. By taking action you can prevent a crime from being committed. Remember you can also contact your resident assistant or campus police.

-Stick with your friends and watch out for each other. Arrive together, check in with one another throughout the night, and leave together. Think twice about going off alone and if, for whatever reason, you have to separate from your friends, let them know where you are going and who you are with.

-Drink responsibly and know your limits. Don’t accept drinks from people who you don’t know or trust and never leave your drink unattended. If you have left your drink alone, get a new one. Always watch your drink being prepared. At parties, stick to drinks you got or prepared yourself instead of common open containers like punch bowls.

-Watch out for your friends. If a friend seems out of it, is way too intoxicated for the amount of alcohol they’ve had, or is acting out of character, get him or her to a safe place. If you suspect that you or a friend has been drugged, call 911. Be explicit with doctors so they can administer the correct tests.

-Be aware of your surroundings. Whether you’re walking home from the library or at a party be mindful of potential risks. Get to know your campus and learn a well-lit route back to your dorm or place of residence. Think of a safe exit strategy.  Are there people around who might be able to help you? Is there an emergency phone nearby?

If you or someone you know has been affected by sexual violence, it’s not your fault. You are not alone. Talk to someone who understands what you’re going through. Help is just a call or click away via RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotlines: 1-800.656.HOPE and online.rainn.org.

(Source: RAINN’s Back to school safety tips)

12 December 10

When Holiday = Hole of a Day

Whether it’s the added poundage put on from consuming one too many egg nog shakes from the Mickey-D’s drive-thru, or whether it’s more serious like grief, loneliness, triggers or anxiety coming from circumstances such as loss, addiction or abuse… the holidays, for some of us, can… well… SUCK.

Just tryin to keep it real here…

I have found that, for many abuse survivors specifically, Halloween through New Year’s often feels like an internal war zone. And that breaks my heart. It shouldn’t be that way. I say it’s time to reclaim this chunk of the year and it’s my hope that you will join me. :) 

 Tune in to this blog for the next couple of weeks for a Tip-A-Day to get through the holidays. And as you do, I pray God gives you a peace that passes understanding during this sometimes difficult season.

Nicole

* * * * * * * * * *

Holiday Survival 101: DAY 1

You are not alone.

In the movie, A Charlie Brown Christmas, we find Charlie sharing honestly with his dear pal, Linus: “I think there must be something wrong with me, Linus. Christmas is coming, but I’m not happy. I don’t feel the way I’m supposed to feel.” 

I think Charlie helps us to recognize the high expectation that the season, family, friends, etc, place on us. He also serves as a good example of how to be honest about our feelings with those we trust. 

Have you ever noticed when you are willing and courageous enough to share your innermost thoughts and feelings with others, you often come to realize you are not alone? 

Make time to confide in someone you trust about the emotions the holidays bring up for you. And take time to listen to someone else’s story, too. There is healing in sharing…and in caring. Be intentional about surrounding yourself with your “circle of inspiration” and the holidays won’t feel as drab as Charlie’s tree this year.

* * * * * * * * * *

30 October 10

Trick or treat? Mummies (and Daddies) BeAware!

I love the idea of a day when we are actually encouraged to engage in our community; where we feel welcome, and almost expected, to walk across the street and speak to people that aren’t exactly like us; where we have an opportunity to get to know our neighbors. I just wish one evening of “trick-or-treating” wasn’t the only time these community-building/neighbor-loving activities seemed to occur in the ‘burbs of America. I wish we would all find reasons, or the simple courage, to stroll around our streets, cruise about our community, and develop relationships with our neighbors on other days…and, certainly, in other ways! 

I mean, think about it: we take this one day of the year, send our children out to roam the streets, in the darkwearing costumes and masks, walking up to the porches of people they don’t know, asking for candyDoesn’t sound like the safest idea to me. 

In fact, The Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network says that sexual assault is “a crime of motive and opportunity,” making Halloween a day likely targeted by predators. Sexual abuse and assault are issues that we need to be aware of in general, but certain times of the year could pose extra danger, requiring extra attention. Police officials in some cities across the US are taking steps to make sure that registered sex offenders are accounted for and in compliance. While this is encouraging to hear, it isn’t the final answer. 

We need to be more aware. Even if the dangers of trick-or-treating are only found in theory, it at least gives us good reason for another day of raising awareness and having important discussions with our children…which is why I bring you:

2010 TRICK-OR-TREAT SAFETY TIPS 


- Kids should really be accompanied by an adult when they are out trick-or-treating. But no matter who they run with, before going out, parents should talk to kids about the importance of always staying in a group. A planned route should be discussed as well. This route should be only to areas familiar to the child.

- Kids should wear a watch and carry a flashlight. Plan a specific time to be home and who/where to call in case there is an emergency or if they become lost. Teach children how to call 911 and remind them that 911 can be dialed for free at any pay phone. If possible, give child a cell phone to carry with them.

- Plan costumes that are light and bright and that don’t drag on the ground, tripping or tangling them as they walk. Trim/decorate costumes and bags with reflective tape that will glow in the beam of a car’s headlights. If they are wearing a mask, make sure the child can breathe easily and see clearly. Pin a slip of paper with the child’s name, address, and phone number inside their costume or write it on a bracelet.

- Tell kids to stay on the sidewalk, not to walk on the street or across lawns and to avoid dark houses; explain that they are to only go to well-lit houses, where the residents are known and who have an outside light on as a sign of welcome. Never enter a house or car for candy or any other reason. Here is also a good time to have a conversation with kids about monsters…even “nice” monsters who give them candy… i.e. let them know they should never go inside a monster’s home, no matter how nice the monster may seem!

- Tell kids to accept treats only on the porch or doorway, never inside houses. Explain that they are not to eat any candy until they are home and you have an opportunity to inspect it. Toss out any candy that looks tampered with, torn, has pinholes in it, or simply looks peculiar or unusual.

- Teach kids to say “No!” or “This is not my mom/dad!” in a loud voice if someone tries to take them anywhere and teach them how to resist.

- If you notice any suspicious or unlawful activity, you should notify law enforcement authorities immediately.

Being aware of possible risks associated with an evening of trick-or-treating is a good first step toward reducing the risk of harm to our kids. However, while there are a number of reasons to worry about your child’s safety on Halloween, encountering child sexual predators need not be your primary concern. Too often we accept the myth that kids are at higher risk of sexual abuse in these encounters with strangers than they are in other everyday life situations with friends and family. But, you heard me…that’s a myth.

A recent study showed that only 2 out of every 1000 crimes committed on Halloween involve sexual abuse by a stranger. The findings showed that sex crimes by strangers do of course occur around trick-or-treating outings, but the researchers have found that Halloween has no higher risk than any other autumn day when it comes to sex crimes against children.

So, although it is important to be aware of the potential dangers present on Halloween and to do what we can to keep our kids safe, I admonish parents, grandparents, teachers, pastors, friends, everyone to be more educated and become more aware of the risk of sexual abuse—not just on a single day like Halloween, but everyday! Because the fact is every two minutes of every day someone in America is sexually assaulted.

Another fact: Only about 5% of cases of sexual abuse are perpetrated by a stranger.

Final fact: All of it needs to stop. Every child matters.

Q: What do birds give out on Halloween night?

A: Tweets.


Themed by Hunson. Originally by Josh