OneVOICE Babble

Holiday Survival 101, part 12

(reblog from Christmas week 2010)

Make room.

I write to you as I sit in the upper room of my parents’ home, looking down at the infant boy sleeping next to me. The beauty of my son astounds me. And I am not a “baby person” if you know what I mean. But that piece doesn’t come into play when you have had this precious one forming inside of your womb for nine months.

I will never forget when one of my best friends shared with me her confidence that God knew what He was doing to have us carry our children inside of us for so long: in that time He was teaching us to love this child, helping us to get to know him, giving us time to grow together in anticipation for the grand arrival. I love that.

I’ll be honest, though. I hate being pregnant. Ask any of my closest friends and they will tell you, along with stories that probably shouldn’t be shared. It’s painful, annoying, makes me feel gross and it always feels like it will never end. Thats just the tip of the iceberg for me. I will spare you graphic detail. But inasmuch as I hate it, I know what comes out of this season of discomfort… I’ve done it twice now… I will do it again… (hopefully not anytime soon though) because what results is beauty beyond measure, love unspeakable and an incredible life story beginning to be written.

But, without the pregnancy, no life results. Someone has to make room inside. 

I reflect on how Mary and Joseph must have felt as they were awaiting the birth of their newborn son, Jesus Christ. The One whose life story would rewrite history. His every word, every move, God-breathed. His life… recorded for you and me.

I reflect on the fact that it is only because of this story of His life, death and resurrection that my life has any meaning at all. It is only because of Jesus that I can truly heal, find hope, freedom, be forgiven and in turn forgive. It is only because of Jesus that I begin to understand love. It is only because of Jesus that I can testify that the most rotten evil intended to break, destroy and devour you and me can instead be turned into something beautiful and glorious, turning darkness to light and setting captives free. 

Oh, the birth of Jesus… He came so that our lives would have new meaning. But like Mary, we have to make room for Him inside of us. Like the animals in the manger, we have to make room for Him in our homes. And if we want to experience His healing, His transforming power and His love in such a way that our hurts and hangups become rewritten, we have to make room for Jesus to walk with us on our healing path, too.

“Everyone walks through the fire of adversity, but whatever your experiences - joys or sorrows - our amazing God can use every bit of your life to produce the most unexpected results.” -Jason Crabb

This is a process… His work in our hearts and lives and relationships takes time. Just as He started out as tiny SweetBabyJesus, so does our personal healing journey and our ministry to others begin small and, with time, room and perseverence, grow. We will experience pain, hurt, confusion, exhaustion and the like. But because of Jesus, we do not lose hope. Something greater is coming from all this!

“All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it’s not only around us; it’s within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us from within. We’re also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, anymore than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.” Romans 8:22-25 (The Message)

So do not be discouraged if this journey seems long. Do not lose hope if you are experiencing pain or frustration along the way. Do not be letdown if the road before you seems dimly lit. God is always at work. He is always guiding us and growing us. Preparation takes time and takes development and requires us to give it more room. Christ’s coming is proof of that and His return will be the final say. Until then, let yourself be enlarged, allow God to grow you, develop you and mold you during this waiting period. He holds your hand during the painful parts and carries you when you feel too heavy to walk. He will do a bigger work in you and through you than you can even imagine right now. But we must make room for Him.

A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices!

Holiday Survival 101, part 10

Just a couple quick ones today…

Understand your priorities. Know your personal limits. Set boundaries with respect to both this week.

Remember: it can be good and healthy to say “no” to others. And it can be good and healthy to say “yes” to yourself.

And, lastly, SMILE…for no good reason!

If someone asks, “Why are you smiling like that?” Answer like our good friend Buddy the Elf: “I just like to smile. Smiling’s my favorite.” And call it good.

:)

Holiday Survival 101, part 9

Reach out and welcome in.

During the holiday season we see suicide rates rise, alcoholics fall off the wagon and marriages crumble. Everyone is trying to survive the holiday…but many are not doing it well.If we want to not only survive the holiday season, but to thrive in it, we need to consider ways we can make the holiday better for someone else. 

If you have decided to set a boundary so thick with the fam this year that you aren’t planning to attend their holiday gathering, then don’t sit at home alone. 

You never know what could happen if you do that—you might find yourself in the middle of a hundred homemade booby traps—made up of your own unhealthy coping mechs!

Not good. 

Instead, I challenge you to step outside of yourself this year. If you know what it feels like to be alone, afraid, to be the foreigner, to feel unwelcome, strange, unfortunate, unloved, unsettled or unworthy, then reach out to someone else who may be feeling something similar. Give them a holiday they’ll never forget.

Make a difference this Christmas in your own home. Host a party for foreign exchange students. Send a Christmas dinner invitation to a friend who has lost a spouse or child through death or divorce. Invite an elderly neighbor over for lunch. Offer to have a meal with the homeless. 

Adding a seat or two or five at your holiday table will not cost you much, but will make the world of difference for someone who is hurting and feeling lonely. And trust me, you will be the one receiving far more than anyone. It is a joy to give.

“…we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ” (Acts 20:35)

Reaching out and welcoming in also serves as a great example and opportunity for your kids to experience the true meaning and joy of Christmas: giving, not receiving. So take your family and serve at the local food pantry or shelter, write encouraging letters to those serving in our military or deliver some gifts to the sick kids in your local Children’s Hospital. 

And if someone extends a welcome to you this year, don’t be shy—graciously accept it! 

Let’s open our hearts and homes this holiday; let’s show others the truth that they matter and are loved; and let’s give the hope that things can get better. In turn, we ourselves might just come to understand and believe it too.

May God bless you as you reach out, welcome in and give to others in need!

Holiday Survival 101, part 8

Focus on today.

As survivors of abuse, we are easily tempted to look at our past in a way that can drown us in feelings of regret, resent and remorse—especially during the holidays or special milestones. Although I recognize the importance of looking back in order to move forward (I talk about this process a great deal in both of my books), I want to challenge you today to focus more on the present than on the past. 

If our focus is always on what’s behind us, we could very well miss out on what is available to us today. And if we can’t see what is around us now, we will put our good relationships and potential opportunities this holiday season at great risk. We have to shift our vision to that which is right here, right now: the life, relationships, opportunities and hope which are sure to be in our immediate path. 

So remove the mirrored goggles placed on you from your past and focus in on the present, while looking toward the future.

The pain of yesterday may never go away completely, but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy tomorrow. And if tomorrow is going to be anything different than yesterday, we must make a decision today to shift our eyes off the tiny rearview mirror and pay closer attention to the path before us.

I believe there’s a reason your windshield is so much bigger than your rearview mirror—it’s because your future is so much bigger than your past!

Who has God placed in your life recently that gives you life and hope and encouragement? Don’t ignore them.

Who has He placed in your life recently that needs your life, hope and encouragement? Don’t neglect them.

What responsibilities do you have now? Who or what is counting on you to live and engage in the present? Where can you make a difference today? 

May our prayer be this:“Lord, what does it look like to love and serve you…TODAY?” 

Holiday Survival 101, part 7

Be a kid again.

“Sometimes I wish I were a kid again; skinned knees are a lot easier to fix than a broken heart.” (Unknown Author) 

Let’s all commit to play—and play hard! Think back to an activity you loved as a child, one that you never engage in anymore. And then go do it! Be spontaneous. I don’t care if it you have to go buy a fresh new set of Lincoln Logs, if you have to take a drive to your favorite childhood park, or if you boldy attempt to build the largest gingerbread house on record…all on your own! Go indulge in whatever activity brings that child-like grin to your face.

I think of my friend and mentor who is also a sexual abuse survivor. I remember a couple years ago around this time, she called me on her way to get an x-ray; she had gotten hurt from a rough spill while racing her kids in some major downhill sledding. This lady is obviously not one to hold back when it comes to letting her inner child come out and play! Not only does she have a blast and releases a lot of stress, but I believe she sets a great example for her kids. Though she has been deeply wounded in her life, she doesn’t allow that to harden her; she is willing to let her guard down, to be free and have fun. No matter what age and no matter what stage in life, we can all do that. We should all do that…especially as holiday tension builds.

So, whatever you decide to do for fun today, I encourage you to DO IT TO THE MAX! Approach the week ahead with a child-like attitude, not a child-ish one. Go all out and don’t worry about what others might be thinking. 

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” (George Bernard Shaw)

So, be free. Be silly. Be creative. Be childlike. And be sure to LAUGH!

On that note, today is my firstborn son’s birthday party. He turns a terrific THREE years-old, so I am off to give everything I’ve got to PARTY HARD with the silliest guy I know. :)

Have fun out there! And let us know what some of you do today :)

Holiday Survival 101, part 6

Love. Commit. Endure. Give.

This holiday season is not about what you do, where you go, what you eat. It’s not about what you bought. It’s not even about who you were with. It’s about how you loved, how much you loved and how you gave away that love.

I realize that loving others might feel like the last thing you want to do right now: you may be feeling depressed, rejected, ignored…  I get that. But today I hope you will consider the challenge to step outside of yourself and what you may be feeling because the outcome could make a bigger difference than you realize.

Today is a challenge toward love because Christmas is about celebrating the birth of the One who came as Love. The One who came to earth and sacrificed Himself, loving others as no one ever has or ever will. 

Isaiah 61 says the reason He came was to preach the Good News, to heal the brokenhearted, to open prison doors, to give us beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning and a garment of praise instead of a heavy and hardening heart. 

It is my utmost belief that Jesus wants to do that for you this holiday season. And as you let His love do a work in your heart, would you in turn open your heart to others?

How to begin?

Remember that love is a choice and we can choose to commit to love. Do this by defending, caring for, standing up for, believing in and supporting someone that God has called you to. Commitment is something that is becoming more and more foreign in our culture. But it’s something we are called to and we must heed that calling.

“She gave extravagantly what she couldn’t afford…she gave her all”

(Mark 12)

This widow mentioned in Scripture gave a small amount compared to others around her, but she gave everything she had and Jesus noticed. She reminds me of those who have given beyond our culture’s call of duty: the one that tells us it’s fine to be selfish, to hoard, to withhold, and to give up on people, causes and commitments when times are hard. We need more courageous men and women like the woman in Mark 12 who would step beyond culture’s dangerously low expectation and instead commit to give and to love in big ways, even when it might hurt. Or even when we ourselves are already hurting. 

The challenge more specifically for you and for me is to endure and to give.

First of all, endure the holiday stress, anxiety, grieving, loneliness and depression. I know it feels real awful for some of you right about now, but persevere because it will come to an end (even if it feels never-ending right now) and also because you are worth getting to the other side.

Secondly, endure hardship, pain, accusation, or whatever we may come up against in the call to commitment and love. I have no doubt that some of you reading this right now are contemplating calling it quits on something. I encourage you to push through worry, fear, doubt, gossip, discomfort, pain, etc, and persevere in the commitments that you are called to. Stick it out one more day. And then another.

No doubt it is those who chose to never give up on me that have made all the difference in my life. Now I want to give that gift to someone else. And I hope you will too.

So give love and commitment as gifts this Christmas.

Give even when you know you won’t get it back.

Give extravagantly.

Give beyond what you think you can afford to give.

Give your all.

One day you will see the difference it made: not just in your life but in someone else’s too.

Love you,

Nicole Bromley

Holiday Survival: Day 11

Love. Commit. Endure. Give.

This holiday season is not about what you do, where you go, what you eat. It’s not about what you bought. It’s not even about who you were with. It’s about how you loved, how much you loved and how you gave away that love.

I realize that loving others might feel like the last thing you want to do right now: you may be feeling depressed, rejected, ignored…  I get that. But today I hope you will consider the challenge to step outside of yourself and what you may be feeling because the outcome could make a bigger difference than you realize.

Today is a challenge toward love because Christmas is about celebrating the birth of the One who came as Love. The One who came to earth and sacrificed Himself, loving others as no one ever has or ever will. 

Isaiah 61 says the reason He came was to preach the Good News, to heal the brokenhearted, to open prison doors, to give us beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning and a garment of praise instead of a heavy and hardening heart. 

It is my utmost belief that Jesus wants to do that for you this holiday season. And as you let His love do a work in your heart, would you in turn open your heart to others?

How to begin?

Remember that love is a choice and we can choose to commit to love. Do this by defending, caring for, standing up for, believing in and supporting someone that God has called you to. Commitment is something that is becoming more and more foreign in our culture. But it’s something we are called to and we must heed that calling.

“She gave extravagantly what she couldn’t afford…she gave her all”

(Mark 12)

This widow mentioned in Scripture gave a small amount compared to others around her, but she gave everything she had and Jesus noticed. She reminds me of those who have given beyond our culture’s call of duty: the one that tells us it’s fine to be selfish, to hoard, to withhold, and to give up on people, causes and commitments when times are hard. We need more courageous men and women like the woman in Mark 12 who would step beyond culture’s dangerously low expectation and instead commit to give and to love in big ways, even when it might hurt. Or even when we ourselves are already hurting. 

The challenge more specifically for you and for me is to endure and to give.

First of all, endure the holiday stress, anxiety, grieving, loneliness and depression. I know it feels real awful for some of you right about now, but persevere because it will come to an end (even if it feels never-ending right now) and also because you are worth getting to the other side.

Secondly, endure hardship, pain, accusation, or whatever we may come up against in the call to commitment and love. I have no doubt that some of you reading this right now are contemplating calling it quits on something. I encourage you to push through worry, fear, doubt, gossip, discomfort, etc, and persevere in the commitments that you are called to. Stick it out one more day. And then another.

No doubt it is those who chose to never give up on me that have made all the difference in my life. Now I want to give that gift to someone else. And I hope you will too.

So give love and commitment as gifts this Christmas.

Give even when you know you won’t get it back.

Give extravagantly.

Give beyond what you think you can afford to give.

Give your all.

One day you will see the difference it made: not just in your life but in someone else’s too.

Love you,

Nicole Bromley

Holiday Survival: Day 9

Reach out and welcome in.

During the holiday season we see suicide rates rise, alcoholics fall off the wagon and marriages crumble. Everyone is trying to survive the holiday…but many are not doing it well. If we want to not only survive the holiday season, but to thrive in it, we need to consider ways we can make the holiday better for someone else. 

If you have decided to set a boundary so thick with the fam this year that you aren’t planning to attend their holiday gathering, then don’t sit at home alone. 

You never know what could happen if you do that—you might find yourself in the middle of a hundred homemade booby traps—made up of your own unhealthy coping mechs!

Not good. 

Instead, I challenge you to step outside of yourself this year. If you know what it feels like to be alone, afraid, to be the foreigner, to feel unwelcome, strange, unfortunate, unloved, unsettled or unworthy, then reach out to someone else who may be feeling something similar. Give them a holiday they’ll never forget.

Make a difference this Christmas in your own home. Host a party for foreign exchange students. Send a Christmas dinner invitation to a friend who has lost a spouse or child through death or divorce. Invite an elderly neighbor over for lunch. Offer to have a meal with the homeless. 

Adding a seat or two or five at your holiday table will not cost you much, but will make the world of difference for someone who is hurting and feeling lonely. And trust me, you will be the one receiving far more than anyone. It is a joy to give.

“…we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ” (Acts 20:35)

Reaching out and welcoming in also serves as a great example and opportunity for your kids to experience the true meaning and joy of Christmas: giving, not receiving. So take your family and serve at the local food pantry or shelter, write encouraging letters to those serving in our military or deliver some gifts to the sick kids in your local Children’s Hospital. 

And if someone extends a welcome to you this year, don’t be shy—graciously accept it! 

Let’s open our hearts and homes this holiday; let’s show others the truth that they matter and are loved; and let’s give the hope that things can get better. In turn, we ourselves might just come to understand and believe it too.

May God bless you as you reach out, welcome in and give to others in need!

Holiday Survival: Day 8

Focus on today.

As survivors of abuse, we are easily tempted to look at our past in a way that can drown us in feelings of regret, resent and remorse—especially during the holidays or special milestones. Although I recognize the importance of looking back in order to move forward (I talk about this process a great deal in both of my books), I want to challenge you today to focus more on the present than on the past. 

If our focus is always on what’s behind us, we could very well miss out on what is available to us today. And if we can’t see what is around us now, we will put our good relationships and potential opportunities this holiday season at great risk. We have to shift our vision to that which is right here, right now: the life, relationships, opportunities and hope which are sure to be in our immediate path. 

So remove the mirrored goggles placed on you from your past and focus in on the present, while looking toward the future.

The pain of yesterday may never go away completely, but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy tomorrow. And if tomorrow is going to be anything different than yesterday, we must make a decision today to shift our eyes off the tiny rearview mirror and pay closer attention to the path before us.

I believe there’s a reason your windshield is so much bigger than your rearview mirror—it’s because your future is so much bigger than your past!

Who has God placed in your life recently that gives you life and hope and encouragement? Don’t ignore them.

Who has He placed in your life recently that needs your life, hope and encouragement? Don’t neglect them.

What responsibilities do you have now? Who or what is counting on you to live and engage in the present? Where can you make a difference today? 

May our prayer be this:“Lord, what does it look like to love and serve you…TODAY?” 

Holiday Survival: Day 6

 (reblogged from December 2010, hence the newborn baby references)

Call it like it is.

I am sitting in my living room, next to the baby swing, hoping the constant movement along with soft Christmas music playing in the background will put my 3 month-old to sleep so I can get a moment of “Nicole time.” It’s not working, by the way. But the song playing right now is telling me that “it’s the most wonderful time of the year”; more than that, I’m also being informed that it’s “the hap-happiest season of all.” 

Who knew?! I guess this guy hasn’t heard any of your stories.   

Now, I don’t want to come across as a Debbie Downer, because I personally love Christmas! I could write a great deal about the goodness of the season (and I will, so stay tuned), but I also strive to be real and relevant, especially for the sake of those who are hurting. This is why I felt it necessary to devote time and attention, during these two weeks leading into Christmas, to the fact that it truly is not the most wonderful time of the year for many people. For some of you, it may even be the most lonely, anxiety-stricken and painful memory-ridden season of all.

And that’s okay.

It’s NOT okay that you went through some incredibly painful stuff that wasn’t your fault and that you never deserved; but it IS okay to acknowledge that the holidays aren’t easy for you because of that.

Don’t give in to the mask-wearing, people-pleasing, painted-on-smile that we see all too often. If you are having a hard time, say so! If you are struggling to get through this holiday season—for whatever reason it may be—don’t shove it down any longer. The stress, anxiety, fear, sadness, anger, bitterness, etc is gonna come out eventually anyway. Let it come out on your own accord. Be willing to admit you need a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, a helping hand, or maybe even a little getaway. 

Being real with those you trust is important to getting through this busy season. It will help ensure that your wrapping doesn’t come undone before Santa’s bag of goodies ever get here.