OneVOICE Babble

Holiday Survival 101, part 6

Love. Commit. Endure. Give.

This holiday season is not about what you do, where you go, what you eat. It’s not about what you bought. It’s not even about who you were with. It’s about how you loved, how much you loved and how you gave away that love.

I realize that loving others might feel like the last thing you want to do right now: you may be feeling depressed, rejected, ignored…  I get that. But today I hope you will consider the challenge to step outside of yourself and what you may be feeling because the outcome could make a bigger difference than you realize.

Today is a challenge toward love because Christmas is about celebrating the birth of the One who came as Love. The One who came to earth and sacrificed Himself, loving others as no one ever has or ever will. 

Isaiah 61 says the reason He came was to preach the Good News, to heal the brokenhearted, to open prison doors, to give us beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning and a garment of praise instead of a heavy and hardening heart. 

It is my utmost belief that Jesus wants to do that for you this holiday season. And as you let His love do a work in your heart, would you in turn open your heart to others?

How to begin?

Remember that love is a choice and we can choose to commit to love. Do this by defending, caring for, standing up for, believing in and supporting someone that God has called you to. Commitment is something that is becoming more and more foreign in our culture. But it’s something we are called to and we must heed that calling.

“She gave extravagantly what she couldn’t afford…she gave her all”

(Mark 12)

This widow mentioned in Scripture gave a small amount compared to others around her, but she gave everything she had and Jesus noticed. She reminds me of those who have given beyond our culture’s call of duty: the one that tells us it’s fine to be selfish, to hoard, to withhold, and to give up on people, causes and commitments when times are hard. We need more courageous men and women like the woman in Mark 12 who would step beyond culture’s dangerously low expectation and instead commit to give and to love in big ways, even when it might hurt. Or even when we ourselves are already hurting. 

The challenge more specifically for you and for me is to endure and to give.

First of all, endure the holiday stress, anxiety, grieving, loneliness and depression. I know it feels real awful for some of you right about now, but persevere because it will come to an end (even if it feels never-ending right now) and also because you are worth getting to the other side.

Secondly, endure hardship, pain, accusation, or whatever we may come up against in the call to commitment and love. I have no doubt that some of you reading this right now are contemplating calling it quits on something. I encourage you to push through worry, fear, doubt, gossip, discomfort, pain, etc, and persevere in the commitments that you are called to. Stick it out one more day. And then another.

No doubt it is those who chose to never give up on me that have made all the difference in my life. Now I want to give that gift to someone else. And I hope you will too.

So give love and commitment as gifts this Christmas.

Give even when you know you won’t get it back.

Give extravagantly.

Give beyond what you think you can afford to give.

Give your all.

One day you will see the difference it made: not just in your life but in someone else’s too.

Love you,

Nicole Bromley

World Suicide Prevention Day 2012

Worldwide, 121 million people suffer from depression. 

2/3 of them never get help.

Untreated depression is the leading cause of suicide. 

“We are the numbers. We can change the numbers. It starts with the first step.”  -To Write Love On Her Arms

The World Health Organization reports that survivors of sexual assault are:

3 times more likely to suffer from depression.

6 times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder.

13 times more likely to abuse alcohol.

26 times more likely to abuse drugs.

AND

4 times more likely to contemplate suicide.

Friend, I know life is hard and for survivors of abuse, it can be horrific…but have hope…things can get better. Know that your voice is important. Your story matters. You have a purpose here. Please hang on. 

You are not alone.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Holiday Survival: Day 11

Love. Commit. Endure. Give.

This holiday season is not about what you do, where you go, what you eat. It’s not about what you bought. It’s not even about who you were with. It’s about how you loved, how much you loved and how you gave away that love.

I realize that loving others might feel like the last thing you want to do right now: you may be feeling depressed, rejected, ignored…  I get that. But today I hope you will consider the challenge to step outside of yourself and what you may be feeling because the outcome could make a bigger difference than you realize.

Today is a challenge toward love because Christmas is about celebrating the birth of the One who came as Love. The One who came to earth and sacrificed Himself, loving others as no one ever has or ever will. 

Isaiah 61 says the reason He came was to preach the Good News, to heal the brokenhearted, to open prison doors, to give us beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning and a garment of praise instead of a heavy and hardening heart. 

It is my utmost belief that Jesus wants to do that for you this holiday season. And as you let His love do a work in your heart, would you in turn open your heart to others?

How to begin?

Remember that love is a choice and we can choose to commit to love. Do this by defending, caring for, standing up for, believing in and supporting someone that God has called you to. Commitment is something that is becoming more and more foreign in our culture. But it’s something we are called to and we must heed that calling.

“She gave extravagantly what she couldn’t afford…she gave her all”

(Mark 12)

This widow mentioned in Scripture gave a small amount compared to others around her, but she gave everything she had and Jesus noticed. She reminds me of those who have given beyond our culture’s call of duty: the one that tells us it’s fine to be selfish, to hoard, to withhold, and to give up on people, causes and commitments when times are hard. We need more courageous men and women like the woman in Mark 12 who would step beyond culture’s dangerously low expectation and instead commit to give and to love in big ways, even when it might hurt. Or even when we ourselves are already hurting. 

The challenge more specifically for you and for me is to endure and to give.

First of all, endure the holiday stress, anxiety, grieving, loneliness and depression. I know it feels real awful for some of you right about now, but persevere because it will come to an end (even if it feels never-ending right now) and also because you are worth getting to the other side.

Secondly, endure hardship, pain, accusation, or whatever we may come up against in the call to commitment and love. I have no doubt that some of you reading this right now are contemplating calling it quits on something. I encourage you to push through worry, fear, doubt, gossip, discomfort, etc, and persevere in the commitments that you are called to. Stick it out one more day. And then another.

No doubt it is those who chose to never give up on me that have made all the difference in my life. Now I want to give that gift to someone else. And I hope you will too.

So give love and commitment as gifts this Christmas.

Give even when you know you won’t get it back.

Give extravagantly.

Give beyond what you think you can afford to give.

Give your all.

One day you will see the difference it made: not just in your life but in someone else’s too.

Love you,

Nicole Bromley

Holiday Survival: Day 9

Reach out and welcome in.

During the holiday season we see suicide rates rise, alcoholics fall off the wagon and marriages crumble. Everyone is trying to survive the holiday…but many are not doing it well. If we want to not only survive the holiday season, but to thrive in it, we need to consider ways we can make the holiday better for someone else. 

If you have decided to set a boundary so thick with the fam this year that you aren’t planning to attend their holiday gathering, then don’t sit at home alone. 

You never know what could happen if you do that—you might find yourself in the middle of a hundred homemade booby traps—made up of your own unhealthy coping mechs!

Not good. 

Instead, I challenge you to step outside of yourself this year. If you know what it feels like to be alone, afraid, to be the foreigner, to feel unwelcome, strange, unfortunate, unloved, unsettled or unworthy, then reach out to someone else who may be feeling something similar. Give them a holiday they’ll never forget.

Make a difference this Christmas in your own home. Host a party for foreign exchange students. Send a Christmas dinner invitation to a friend who has lost a spouse or child through death or divorce. Invite an elderly neighbor over for lunch. Offer to have a meal with the homeless. 

Adding a seat or two or five at your holiday table will not cost you much, but will make the world of difference for someone who is hurting and feeling lonely. And trust me, you will be the one receiving far more than anyone. It is a joy to give.

“…we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ” (Acts 20:35)

Reaching out and welcoming in also serves as a great example and opportunity for your kids to experience the true meaning and joy of Christmas: giving, not receiving. So take your family and serve at the local food pantry or shelter, write encouraging letters to those serving in our military or deliver some gifts to the sick kids in your local Children’s Hospital. 

And if someone extends a welcome to you this year, don’t be shy—graciously accept it! 

Let’s open our hearts and homes this holiday; let’s show others the truth that they matter and are loved; and let’s give the hope that things can get better. In turn, we ourselves might just come to understand and believe it too.

May God bless you as you reach out, welcome in and give to others in need!

Holiday Survival: Day 6

 (reblogged from December 2010, hence the newborn baby references)

Call it like it is.

I am sitting in my living room, next to the baby swing, hoping the constant movement along with soft Christmas music playing in the background will put my 3 month-old to sleep so I can get a moment of “Nicole time.” It’s not working, by the way. But the song playing right now is telling me that “it’s the most wonderful time of the year”; more than that, I’m also being informed that it’s “the hap-happiest season of all.” 

Who knew?! I guess this guy hasn’t heard any of your stories.   

Now, I don’t want to come across as a Debbie Downer, because I personally love Christmas! I could write a great deal about the goodness of the season (and I will, so stay tuned), but I also strive to be real and relevant, especially for the sake of those who are hurting. This is why I felt it necessary to devote time and attention, during these two weeks leading into Christmas, to the fact that it truly is not the most wonderful time of the year for many people. For some of you, it may even be the most lonely, anxiety-stricken and painful memory-ridden season of all.

And that’s okay.

It’s NOT okay that you went through some incredibly painful stuff that wasn’t your fault and that you never deserved; but it IS okay to acknowledge that the holidays aren’t easy for you because of that.

Don’t give in to the mask-wearing, people-pleasing, painted-on-smile that we see all too often. If you are having a hard time, say so! If you are struggling to get through this holiday season—for whatever reason it may be—don’t shove it down any longer. The stress, anxiety, fear, sadness, anger, bitterness, etc is gonna come out eventually anyway. Let it come out on your own accord. Be willing to admit you need a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, a helping hand, or maybe even a little getaway. 

Being real with those you trust is important to getting through this busy season. It will help ensure that your wrapping doesn’t come undone before Santa’s bag of goodies ever get here.

When HOLIDAY Feels Like HOLE-OF-A-DAY

Whether it’s the added poundage put on from consuming one too many egg nog shakes from the Mickey-D’s drive-thru, or whether it’s more serious like grief, loneliness, triggers or anxiety coming from circumstances such as loss, addiction or abuse… the holidays, for some of us, can… well… SUCK.

Just tryin to keep it real here…

I have found that, for many abuse survivors specifically, Halloween through New Year’s often feels like an internal war zone. And that breaks my heart. It shouldn’t be that way. I say it’s time to reclaim this chunk of the year and it’s my hope that you will join me. :) 

Tune in to this blog every day through Christmas for a “Tip-A-Day” to get through the holidays. And as you do, I pray God gives you a peace that passes understanding during this sometimes difficult season.

Nicole

* * * * * * * * * *

Holiday Survival 101: DAY 1

You are not alone.

In the movie, A Charlie Brown Christmas, we find Charlie sharing honestly with his dear pal, Linus: “I think there must be something wrong with me, Linus. Christmas is coming, but I’m not happy. I don’t feel the way I’m supposed to feel.” 

I think Charlie helps us to recognize the high expectation that the season, family, friends, etc, place on us. He also serves as a good example of how to be honest about our feelings with those we trust. 

Have you ever noticed when you are willing and courageous enough to share your innermost thoughts and feelings with others, you often come to realize you are not alone? 

Make time to confide in someone you trust about the emotions the holidays bring up for you. And take time to listen to someone else’s story, too. There is healing in sharing…and in caring. Be intentional about surrounding yourself with your “circle of inspiration” and the holidays won’t feel as drab as Charlie’s tree this year.

* * * * * * * * * *

(reblogged from 12/2010)

Holiday Survival 101: Day 11

Love. Commit. Endure. Give.

This holiday season is not about what you do, where you go, what you eat. It’s not about what you bought. It’s not even about who you were with. It’s about how you loved, how much you loved and how you gave away that love.

I realize that loving others might feel like the last thing you want to do right now: you may be feeling depressed, rejected, ignored…  I get that. But today I hope you will consider the challenge to step outside of yourself and what you may be feeling because the outcome could make a bigger difference than you realize.

Today is a challenge toward love because Christmas is about celebrating the birth of the One who came as Love. The One who came to earth and sacrificed Himself, loving others as no one ever has or ever will. 

Isaiah 61 says the reason He came was to preach the Good News, to heal the brokenhearted, to open prison doors, to give us beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning and a garment of praise instead of a heavy and hardening heart. 

It is my utmost belief that Jesus wants to do that for you this holiday season. And as you let His love do a work in your heart, would you in turn open your heart to others?

How to begin?

Remember that love is a choice and choose to commit to love. Do this by defending, caring for, standing up for, believing in and supporting someone that God has called you to. Commitment is something that is becoming more and more foreign in our culture. But it’s something we are called to and we must heed that calling.

“She gave extravagantly what she couldn’t afford…she gave her all”

(Mark 12)

This widow mentioned in Scripture gave a small amount compared to others around her, but she gave everything she had and Jesus noticed. She reminds me of those who have given beyond our culture’s call of duty: the one that tells us it’s fine to be selfish, to hoard, to withhold, and to give up on people, causes and commitments when times are hard. We need more courageous men and women like the woman in Mark 12 who would step beyond culture’s dangerously low expectation and instead commit to give and to love in big ways, even when it might hurt. Or even when we ourselves are already hurting. 

The challenge more specifically for you and for me is to endure and to give.

First of all, endure the holiday stress, anxiety, grieving, loneliness and depression. I know it feels real awful for some of you right about now, but persevere because it will come to an end (even if it feels never-ending right now) and also because you are worth getting to the other side.

Secondly, endure hardship, pain, accusation, or whatever we may come up against in the call to commitment and love. I have no doubt that some of you reading this right now are contemplating calling it quits on something. I encourage you to push through worry, fear, doubt, gossip, discomfort, etc, and persevere in the commitments that you are called to. Stick it out one more day. And then another.

There is no doubt it is those who chose to never give up on me that have made all the difference in my life. Now I want to give that gift to someone else. And I hope you will too.

So give love and commitment as gifts this Christmas.

Give even when you know you won’t get it back.

Give extravagantly.

Give beyond what you think you can afford to give.

Give your all.

One day you will see the difference it made: not just in your life but in someone else’s too.

Merry Christmas Eve Eve.

Holiday Survival 101: Day 9

Reach out and welcome in.

During the holiday season we see suicide rates rise, alcoholics fall off the wagon and marriages crumble. Everyone is trying to survive the holiday…but many are not doing it well. If we want to not only survive the holiday season, but to thrive in it, we need to consider ways we can make the holiday better for someone else. 

If you have decided to set a boundary so thick with the fam this year that you aren’t planning to attend their holiday gathering, then don’t sit at home alone. 

You never know what could happen if you do that—you might find yourself in the middle of a hundred homemade booby traps—made up of your own unhealthy coping mechs!

Not good. 

Instead, I challenge you to step outside of yourself this year. If you know what it feels like to be alone, afraid, to be the foreigner, to feel unwelcome, strange, unfortunate, unloved, unsettled or unworthy, then reach out to someone else who may be feeling something similar. Give them a holiday they’ll never forget.

Make a difference this Christmas in your own home. Host a party for foreign exchange students. Send a Christmas dinner invitation to a friend who has lost a spouse or child through death or divorce. Invite an elderly neighbor over for lunch. Offer to have a meal with the homeless. 

Adding a seat or two or five at your holiday table will not cost you much, but will make the world of difference for someone who is hurting and feeling lonely. And trust me, you will be the one receiving far more than anyone. It is a joy to give.

“…we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ” (Acts 20:35)

Reaching out and welcoming in also serves as a great example and opportunity for your kids to experience the true meaning and joy of Christmas: giving, not receiving. So take your family and serve at the local food pantry or shelter, write encouraging letters to those serving in our military or deliver some gifts to the sick kids in your local Children’s Hospital. 

And if someone extends a welcome to you this year, don’t be shy—graciously accept it! 

Let’s open our hearts and homes this holiday; let’s show others the truth that they matter and are loved; and let’s give the hope that things can get better. In turn, we ourselves might just come to understand and believe it too.

May God bless you as you reach out, welcome in and give to others in need!