OneVOICE Babble

Holiday Survival: Day 6

 (reblogged from December 2010, hence the newborn baby references)

Call it like it is.

I am sitting in my living room, next to the baby swing, hoping the constant movement along with soft Christmas music playing in the background will put my 3 month-old to sleep so I can get a moment of “Nicole time.” It’s not working, by the way. But the song playing right now is telling me that “it’s the most wonderful time of the year”; more than that, I’m also being informed that it’s “the hap-happiest season of all.” 

Who knew?! I guess this guy hasn’t heard any of your stories.   

Now, I don’t want to come across as a Debbie Downer, because I personally love Christmas! I could write a great deal about the goodness of the season (and I will, so stay tuned), but I also strive to be real and relevant, especially for the sake of those who are hurting. This is why I felt it necessary to devote time and attention, during these two weeks leading into Christmas, to the fact that it truly is not the most wonderful time of the year for many people. For some of you, it may even be the most lonely, anxiety-stricken and painful memory-ridden season of all.

And that’s okay.

It’s NOT okay that you went through some incredibly painful stuff that wasn’t your fault and that you never deserved; but it IS okay to acknowledge that the holidays aren’t easy for you because of that.

Don’t give in to the mask-wearing, people-pleasing, painted-on-smile that we see all too often. If you are having a hard time, say so! If you are struggling to get through this holiday season—for whatever reason it may be—don’t shove it down any longer. The stress, anxiety, fear, sadness, anger, bitterness, etc is gonna come out eventually anyway. Let it come out on your own accord. Be willing to admit you need a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, a helping hand, or maybe even a little getaway. 

Being real with those you trust is important to getting through this busy season. It will help ensure that your wrapping doesn’t come undone before Santa’s bag of goodies ever get here.

Holiday Survival: Day 4

You have the power to choose.

Like me, many of you had an abuser who was also a parent in your home. If this is the case, know that you are not alone in the anxiety you may feel around the holidays. As a child, this was a period of time when you had no place to go. While your classmates were looking forward to a break from school, you were dreading it. While your friends were relaxing in their warm homes and enjoying family game-night, you were looking for ways to stay busy, safe and far from the one who might hurt you again. Vacation from school, for many of you, meant more time with your abuser; it is understandable why the holidays would feel unsafe to you and also understandable as to why you struggle to feel safe now. 

But remember that you are no longer a child under the rules of controlling or abusive parents. You now have the power to choose.

One of the choices you get to make is where you will spend the holiday. If you feel uncomfortable, anxious, fearful, etc about the location of your family’s holiday gathering… or if the company planning to attend makes it hard to breathe or feel as if your blood might curdle, it’s okay to say “no” this year. 

Or maybe you decide to go, but make a plan to leave early with something else lined up for when you leave. Whatever you choose, make that decision and then move on. Don’t let any negative response you receive eat away at you. It’s time to make healthy decisions for you and your family now.

Another choice you get to make is who you will spend your time with over the holidays and how you will celebrate. Choose to empower yourself with positive, loving people from your inner “circle of inspiration” and celebrate in a way that is fun and freeing for all of you. (Circle of Inspiration is a term used in my book, Breathe) 

Yielding to the power of those who abuse will weaken you and freeze you in your tracks. But setting boundaries and making healthy choices on where and who you will spend the holiday this year will strengthen you, moving you forward on your healing journey. And that is a great thing!

Be blessed!

:) Nicole

Holiday Survival 101: Day 6

Call it like it is.

I am sitting in my living room, next to the baby swing, hoping the constant movement along with soft Christmas music playing in the background will put my 3 month-old to sleep so I can get a moment of “Nicole time.” It’s not working, by the way. But the song playing right now is telling me that “it’s the most wonderful time of the year”; more than that, I’m also being informed that it’s “the hap-happiest season of all.” 

Who knew?! I guess this guy hasn’t heard any of your stories.   

Now, I don’t want to come across as a Debbie Downer, because I personally love Christmas! I could write a great deal about the goodness of the season (and maybe I will at some point), but I also strive to be real and relevant, especially for the sake of those who are hurting. This is why I felt it necessary to devote time and attention, during these two weeks leading into Christmas, to the fact that it truly is not the most wonderful time of the year for many people. For some of you, it may even be the most lonely, anxiety-stricken and painful memory-ridden season of all.

And that’s okay.

It’s NOT okay that you went through some incredibly painful stuff that wasn’t your fault and that you never deserved; but it IS okay to acknowledge that the holidays aren’t easy for you because of that.

Don’t give in to the mask-wearing, people-pleasing, painted-on-smile that we see all too often. If you are having a hard time, say so! If you are struggling to get through this holiday season—for whatever reason it may be—don’t shove it down any longer. The stress, anxiety, fear, sadness, anger, bitterness, etc is gonna come out eventually anyway. Let it come out on your own accord. Be willing to admit you need a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, a helping hand, or maybe even a little getaway. 

Being real with those you trust is important to getting through this busy season. It will help ensure that your wrapping doesn’t come undone before Santa’s bag of goodies ever get here.