OneVOICE Babble

Holiday Survival 101, part 11

 (reblogged from December 2010, hence the newborn baby references)

Call it like it is.

I am sitting in my living room, next to the baby swing, hoping the constant movement along with soft Christmas music playing in the background will put my 3 month-old to sleep so I can get a moment of “Nicole time.” It’s not working, by the way. But the song playing right now is telling me that “it’s the most wonderful time of the year”; more than that, I’m also being informed that it’s “the hap-happiest season of all.” 

Who knew?! I guess this guy hasn’t heard any of your stories.   

Now, I don’t want to come across as a Debbie Downer, because I personally love Christmas! I could write a great deal about the goodness of the season (and I will, so stay tuned), but I also strive to be real and relevant, especially for the sake of those who are hurting. This is why I felt it necessary to devote time and attention, during these two weeks leading into Christmas, to the fact that it truly is not the most wonderful time of the year for many people. For some of you, it may even be the most lonely, anxiety-stricken and painful memory-ridden season of all.

And that’s okay.

It’s NOT okay that you went through some incredibly painful stuff that wasn’t your fault and that you never deserved; but it IS okay to acknowledge that the holidays aren’t easy for you because of that.

Don’t give in to the mask-wearing, people-pleasing, painted-on-smile that we see all too often. If you are having a hard time, say so! If you are struggling to get through this holiday season—for whatever reason it may be—don’t shove it down any longer. The stress, anxiety, fear, sadness, anger, bitterness, etc is gonna come out eventually anyway. Let it come out on your own accord. Be willing to admit you need a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, a helping hand, or maybe even a little getaway. 

Being real with those you trust is important to getting through this busy season. It will help ensure that your wrapping doesn’t come undone before Santa’s bag of goodies ever get here.

Holiday Survival: BONUS Day 13

What matters.

From the cradle in a manger to the cross on Calvary, Jesus came to earth, humbled Himself to the point of death, serving as a sacrifice for my sins and yours. He was resurrected and one day that same Jesus is coming back to judge the living and the dead and will be chauffeuring those of us who believe in Him to His after-party in Paradise—FOREVER. Mmmm…yes, please! :)

Call me crazy but this reminds me (once again) of the movie Elf:

The manager of the store where Buddy is working says, “Okay people, tomorrow morning, 10AM, Santa’s coming to town.” Buddy responds by screaming, “SANTAAA! OH MY GOD! Santa’s Coming! I know him. I KNOW HIM!!”

Why was Buddy so excited? Because he KNEW Santa. He belonged to Santa. Buddy was one of Santa’s elves!

Similarly, Jesus is our great Shepherd and we are His sheep. His children. His beloved. We belong to Him! And He desires to know us…not that we just know about Him…but know Him. Personally. Intimately.

Buddy knew Santa because he had spent every day with him, talked to him, grew up with him. If we knew Jesus, like Buddy knew Santa, we should be just as excited at the thought of His visit!

Tonight I took some moments to sit in silence. As I thought about the things I share with you, I must humbly admit I don’t consider Jesus’ return nearly as often as I should. 

But now, reflecting on the life of Christ this Christmas—from His birth to His death to His resurrection and to the hope we have of Him coming back—well, it makes me want to live differently. 

It makes me want to treat my time, my thoughts, my money, my words, and the people in my life, better, wiser, more prayerfully, more passionately. I need to treat them in whatever way is going to make a difference in God’s Kingdom. Not how it will make a difference for me, but for eternity. 

So here I am, realizing if my boss told me that Jesus was “coming tomorrow, 10am” I know exactly what I would get crack-a-lackin on!  And that scenario in my head of what I would go straight to work on reveals to me the things that truly matter. 

As we celebrate Christmas we are reminded that Jesus was also called Emmanuel which means God with us. Even if Jesus doesn’t choose to return for us tomorrow, He is here among us now. His Word is living and breathing. His Spirit is able to dwell within us.

So, let’s make this Christmas Eve matter by connecting with the One who came to earth for your freedom, life and wholeness. Live for the One who died for you. I want to connect with, live for and know Jesus so intimately that I respond to His name, just as Buddy the Elf responded to the name of Santa: jumping, squealing, screaming, smiling, unable to contain excitement.

He loves you and wants you to join His party this holiday…and He wants to add your name to His VIP list for the eternal afterparty!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE, MY FRIENDS!

THANKS FOR JOINING ME IN THIS JOURNEY TOGETHER!!

Holiday Survival: Day 12

(reblog from Christmas week 2010)

Make room.

I write to you as I sit in the upper room of my parents’ home, looking down at the infant boy sleeping next to me. The beauty of my son astounds me. And I am not a “baby person” if you know what I mean. But that piece doesn’t come into play when you have had this precious one forming inside of your womb for nine months.

I will never forget when one of my best friends shared with me her confidence that God knew what He was doing to have us carry our children inside of us for so long: in that time He was teaching us to love this child, helping us to get to know him, giving us time to grow together in anticipation for the grand arrival. I love that.

I’ll be honest, though. I hate being pregnant. Ask any of my closest friends and they will tell you, along with stories that probably shouldn’t be shared. It’s painful, annoying, makes me feel gross and it always feels like it will never end. Thats just the tip of the iceberg for me. I will spare you graphic detail. But inasmuch as I hate it, I know what comes out of this season of discomfort… I’ve done it twice now… I will do it again… (hopefully not anytime soon though) because what results is beauty beyond measure, love unspeakable and an incredible life story beginning to be written.

But, without the pregnancy, no life results. Someone has to make room inside. 

I reflect on how Mary and Joseph must have felt as they were awaiting the birth of their newborn son, Jesus Christ. The One whose life story would rewrite history. His every word, every move, God-breathed. His life… recorded for you and me.

I reflect on the fact that it is only because of this story of His life, death and resurrection that my life has any meaning at all. It is only because of Jesus that I can truly heal, find hope, freedom, be forgiven and in turn forgive. It is only because of Jesus that I begin to understand love. It is only because of Jesus that I can testify that the most rotten evil intended to break, destroy and devour you and me can instead be turned into something beautiful and glorious, turning darkness to light and setting captives free. 

Oh, the birth of Jesus… He came so that our lives would have new meaning. But like Mary, we have to make room for Him inside of us. Like the animals in the manger, we have to make room for Him in our homes. And if we want to experience His healing, His transforming power and His love in such a way that our hurts and hangups become rewritten, we have to make room for Jesus to walk with us on our healing path, too.

“Everyone walks through the fire of adversity, but whatever your experiences - joys or sorrows - our amazing God can use every bit of your life to produce the most unexpected results.” -Jason Crabb

This is a process… His work in our hearts and lives and relationships takes time. Just as He started out as tiny SweetBabyJesus, so does our personal healing journey and our ministry to others begin small and, with time, room and perseverence, grow. We will experience pain, hurt, confusion, exhaustion and the like. But because of Jesus, we do not lose hope. Something greater is coming from all this!

“All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it’s not only around us; it’s within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us from within. We’re also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, anymore than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.” Romans 8:22-25 (The Message)

So do not be discouraged if this journey seems long. Do not lose hope if you are experiencing pain or frustration along the way. Do not be letdown if the road before you seems dimly lit. God is always at work. He is always guiding us and growing us. Preparation takes time and takes development and requires us to give it more room. Christ’s coming is proof of that and His return will be the final say. Until then, let yourself be enlarged, allow God to grow you, develop you and mold you during this waiting period. He holds your hand during the painful parts and carries you when you feel too heavy to walk. He will do a bigger work in you and through you than you can even imagine right now. But we must make room for Him.

A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices!

Holiday Survival: Day 10

Just a couple quick ones today…

Understand your priorities. Know your personal limits. Set boundaries with respect to both this week.

Remember: it can be good and healthy to say “no” to others. And it can be good and healthy to say “yes” to yourself.

And, lastly, SMILE…for no good reason!

If someone asks, “Why are you smiling like that?” Answer like our good friend Buddy the Elf: “I just like to smile. Smiling’s my favorite.” And call it good.

:)

Holiday Survival: Day 8

Focus on today.

As survivors of abuse, we are easily tempted to look at our past in a way that can drown us in feelings of regret, resent and remorse—especially during the holidays or special milestones. Although I recognize the importance of looking back in order to move forward (I talk about this process a great deal in both of my books), I want to challenge you today to focus more on the present than on the past. 

If our focus is always on what’s behind us, we could very well miss out on what is available to us today. And if we can’t see what is around us now, we will put our good relationships and potential opportunities this holiday season at great risk. We have to shift our vision to that which is right here, right now: the life, relationships, opportunities and hope which are sure to be in our immediate path. 

So remove the mirrored goggles placed on you from your past and focus in on the present, while looking toward the future.

The pain of yesterday may never go away completely, but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy tomorrow. And if tomorrow is going to be anything different than yesterday, we must make a decision today to shift our eyes off the tiny rearview mirror and pay closer attention to the path before us.

I believe there’s a reason your windshield is so much bigger than your rearview mirror—it’s because your future is so much bigger than your past!

Who has God placed in your life recently that gives you life and hope and encouragement? Don’t ignore them.

Who has He placed in your life recently that needs your life, hope and encouragement? Don’t neglect them.

What responsibilities do you have now? Who or what is counting on you to live and engage in the present? Where can you make a difference today? 

May our prayer be this:“Lord, what does it look like to love and serve you…TODAY?” 

Holiday Survival: Day 7

Be a kid again.

“Sometimes I wish I were a kid again; skinned knees are a lot easier to fix than a broken heart.” (Unknown Author) 

Let’s all commit to play—and play hard! Think back to an activity you loved as a child, one that you never engage in anymore. And then go do it! Be spontaneous. I don’t care if it you have to go buy a fresh new set of Lincoln Logs, if you have to take a drive to your favorite childhood park, or if you boldy attempt to build the largest gingerbread house on record…all on your own! Go indulge in whatever activity brings that child-like grin to your face.

I think of my friend and mentor who is also a sexual abuse survivor. I remember a couple years ago around this time, she called me on her way to get an x-ray; she had gotten hurt from a rough spill while racing her kids in some major downhill sledding. This lady is obviously not one to hold back when it comes to letting her inner child come out and play! Not only does she have a blast and releases a lot of stress, but I believe she sets a great example for her kids. Though she has been deeply wounded in her life, she doesn’t allow that to harden her; she is willing to let her guard down, to be free and have fun. No matter what age and no matter what stage in life, we can all do that. We should all do that…especially as holiday tension builds.

So, whatever you decide to do for fun today, I encourage you to DO IT TO THE MAX! Approach the week ahead with a child-like attitude, not a child-ish one. Go all out and don’t worry about what others might be thinking. 

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” (George Bernard Shaw)

So, be free. Be silly. Be creative. Be childlike. And be sure to LAUGH!

On that note, today is my firstborn son’s birthday party. He turns a terrific THREE years-old, so I am off to give everything I’ve got to PARTY HARD with the silliest guy I know. :)

Have fun out there! And let us know what some of you do today :)

Holiday Survival: Day 5

Sweatpants.

Yeah, I’m serious. In my opinion they are one of the greatest things ever invented—next to air conditioning and peanut butter, of course. This is why you must get yourself into some today. Find a fresh pair of the most comfy ones around, or opt for some footed pajamas (yes, they come in adult sizes now…I checked), curl up somewhere that feels safe, cozy and quiet, and take a NAP!

Do it! We are about to enter the week of Christmas and I can sense the pressure building inside of some of you. The holiday season takes a toll on us both emotionally and physically. Inasmuch as we have to schedule time away from the hustle and bustle for some personal time of reflecting; inasmuch as we need to recreate holiday tradition and association; we also need to straight-up sleep. Some of you aren’t doing that very much right now. And you need to.

You may not have my excuse of 2 boys under 3 getting you up way too early in the morning and running your entire day as if you were a woman with 9 nine arms, 6 legs, a genie lamp on each shoulder and a vending machine at your knees… (yes, I am fishing for sympathy here)… but you have some excuse, I am sure! And, honestly, I hope someone will take this charge seriously today. A good nap will do wonders for your week ahead, not to mention the positive effect it can have on an anguished holiday heart and mind. And, if you don’t want to do it for yourself, then do it for me. I’ll take some good Zzz’s any way I can get them! 

Holiday Survival: Day 3

Be patient with yourself.

If you have had an abusive or traumatic past, its gonna take time to change your negative associations to the holidays into positive ones. Don’t expect too much change too quickly. People often quote me as saying: “Healing is a lifelong journey.” Be encouraged that part of that journey may include reworking and recreating holiday associations and traditions… that takes time… find some peace in that.

As you begin to restructure what the holidays look like for you, pay attention to your heart and your overall health. If you haven’t done so already, consider making some plans to NOT have any plans. Schedule in time each week for your own rest, reflection and replenishing. 

Oftentimes it isn’t the actual holiday that is most stressful and difficult, but the weeks leading up to it. Be patient with yourself by not pressuring yourself to perform or be perfect. Make a commitment to not overdo it. Today would be a good day to look at your schedule and postpone some items that can wait until after the holidays. Personal quiet time is vital this week.

I pray you encounter peace and joy as you patiently and lovingly care for yourself and your schedule this holiday season.

Holiday Survival: Day 2

Create new traditions.

A fave quote from one of my fave movies, Elf, goes like this: ”We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corn and syrup.”

Some of us are like Buddy the Elf. We prefer to stick to the same things every holiday season: the same cookies, the same music, the same decorations, the same outings, with the same people, in the same town, year after year. Don’t get me wrong—a good tradition can make the holidays nostalgic, memorable, warm, exciting and fun! But we should acknowledge here that it can make life hard for some, too.

If an old holiday tradition relates you back to a bad memory or maybe a good memory that you are grieving a loss from, then consider taking a break from it this year — or getting rid of the tradition in your holiday plans forever.

Remember: there is no right or wrong way to do the holidays. Make up your own traditions!

If Christmas caroling makes you wanna vom because you did that every year with the family that abused and abandoned you, then this year take some friends to the local homeless shelter and serve a meal instead. Or visit with some lonely grammas and grampas in your town’s assisted living center. Instead of taking a full weekend to bake your Great-Aunt Yolanda’s famous cut-out cookies, go for a long walk with a friend, build a ginormous snowman with your kids, or get tickets for the Nutcracker Ballet.

As you create new positive associations with the holidays, you can replace the negative ones, turning a horrible holiday season into a happier one.

Do you have a favorite tradition? Or recommendations for survivors looking for new ideas this year? 

A favorite new tradition for me is curling up with a soft blanket, a cup of hot cocoa and watching ELF — it brings out my high-pitched kid laugh, year after year!

~Nicole

Holiday Survival 101: Day 13, Merry Christmas!

What matters.

I received a text a couple nights ago from a friend—she was giving her daughter a bath when her girl suddenly looked up and said “Jesus is comin, but He not a baby anymo.” This might sound crazy to you, maybe prophetic, possibly neither, but the point is that she was excited…and according to the Word of God, she was also correct!

This weekend we celebrate SweetBabyJesus. But we must also remember that He was a man!

From the cradle in a manger to the cross on Calvary, Jesus came to earth, humbled Himself to the point of death, serving as a sacrifice for my sins and yours. He was resurrected and one day that same Jesus is coming back to judge the living and the dead and will be chauffeuring those of us who believe in Him to His after-party in Paradise—FOREVER. Mmmm…yes, please! :)

I totally get my little friend’s excitement about Jesus return to earth! And it reminded me (once again) of the movie Elf:

The manager of the store where Buddy is working says, “Okay people, tomorrow morning, 10AM, Santa’s coming to town.” Buddy responds by screaming, “SANTAAA! OH MY GOD! Santa’s Coming! I know him. I KNOW HIM!!”

Why was Buddy so excited? Because he KNEW Santa. He belonged to Santa. Buddy was one of Santa’s elves!

Similarly, Jesus is our great Shepherd and we are His sheep. His children. His beloved. We belong to Him! And He desires to know us…not that we just know about Him…but know Him. Personally. Intimately.

Buddy knew Santa because he had spent every day with him, talked to him, grew up with him. If we knew Jesus, like Buddy knew Santa, we should be just as excited at the thought of His visit!

Tonight I took some moments to sit in silence (all but for the congested breathing from this precious infant boy sleeping next to me…poor guy). As I thought about the things I share with you, I must humbly admit I don’t consider Jesus’ return nearly as often as I should. 

But now, reflecting on the life of Christ this Christmas—from His birth to His death to His resurrection and to the hope we have of Him coming back—well, it makes me want to live differently. 

It makes me want to treat my time, my thoughts, my money, my words, and the people in my life, better, wiser, more prayerfully, more passionately. I need to treat them in whatever way is going to make a difference in God’s Kingdom. Not how it will make a difference for me, but for eternity. I want every moment to matter.

So here I am, realizing if my boss told me that Jesus was “coming tomorrow, 10am” I know exactly what I would get crackalackin on ASAP.  And that scenario in my head of what I would go straight to work on reveals to me the things that truly matter. 

As we celebrate Christmas we are reminded that Jesus was also called Emmanuel which means God with us. Even if Jesus doesn’t choose to return for us tomorrow, He is here among us now. His Word is living and breathing. His Spirit is able to dwell within us.

So, let’s make this Christmas Eve matter by connecting with the One who came to earth for your freedom, life and wholeness. Live for the One who died for you. I want to connect with, live for and know Jesus so intimately that I respond to His name, just as Buddy the Elf responded to the name of Santa: jumping, squealing, screaming, smiling, unable to contain excitement.

He loves you and wants you to join His party this holiday…and He wants to add your name to His VIP list for afterparty in eternity!

MERRY CHRISTMAS, MY FRIENDS!

THANKS FOR JOINING ME IN THIS JOURNEY TOGETHER!!